Devotions for Douchebags™
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3/4/2016

​Don’t Worry, I’ve Got Your Back!

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​Et tu, Brute?
—Julius Caesar, Act 3, Scene 1, Line 77
 
Nothing is ever so important as having someone's back.

And nothing more wondrously vile and effective as a shrewd betrayal, well-executed (pun intended).

But do you have to “give back?”

The answer is a qualified “No!”

There are times where you will find it prudent to have someone else’s back (you may need them--alive-- later); but more likely, there are times where you need only give the illusion of support while cutting someone to their knees.

And don't forget to make use of your minions. As noted in our previous blog, any one of them will take it in the ribs for you.


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12/26/2015

Find the Weakest Link

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Divide et impera (Divide and conquer)
--    Latin saying

Feeling bullied by all those pesky flies: your colleagues and inferiors? Are you tired of people telling you to be sensitive and respectful? 

You have a job to do! This is not the time for walking on eggshells. Roads weren't built by golden feathers and unicorn laughter. 

Powerhouses are built on the blood, sweat, toil and tears of others. There is a time for whimsy, and a time to get shit done.

Think of David and Goliath. People may say you are Goliath because you are such a Douchebag (well done, you!), but you are actually David. David was a winner. Goliath was the bully and you are NOT a bully. You are driven. Focused.  

Goliath was a grousing little gripe who got in the way. Goliath is the conglomeration of all those whiny people you deal with every blessed day, banding together to bring you down. They are the tail trying to wag the dog. The solution is simple:

Divide and conquer. Find the weakest link.
Get out your slingshot and five smooth stones, and let 'er rip. Pit one against the other (misdirection). See who cracks. 
Drive the wedge deeper.

This week's devotion points:
  • Observe the weak points in others and exploit them to your benefit.
  • Thrive in your moral vacuum, despite the nefarious efforts of HR and outside “conflict resolution” consultants. 
  • Learn to hide your tracks.
  • Misdirect the source of discontent, aka "blame shift."
  • Be the dog who'd rather chew off its own tail, than be wagged by it.


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    About Our Blog

    Just because you're a Douchebag doesn't mean your company or your personal life is profitable. 


    If it is, you're here to "take it to the next level" or whatever douchey axiom floats your boat. 

    And if not, we hope our words inspire you.


    Remember, sometimes it's hard to be a dick™ and we're always here to help you.

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