Et tu, Brute?
—Julius Caesar, Act 3, Scene 1, Line 77
Nothing is ever so important as having someone's back.
And nothing more wondrously vile and effective as a shrewd betrayal, well-executed (pun intended).
But do you have to “give back?”
The answer is a qualified “No!”
There are times where you will find it prudent to have someone else’s back (you may need them--alive-- later); but more likely, there are times where you need only give the illusion of support while cutting someone to their knees.
And don't forget to make use of your minions. As noted in our previous blog, any one of them will take it in the ribs for you.
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panem et circenses
—Juvenal, Satire 10.77–81
You can buy a lot of loyalty and hard work by NOT buying. Save your money for that Panamera. I hear it’s a pretty sweet ride.
People are needy and look up those in power, however much they may revile them. Reward your staff or people around you (like family and friends) not with money or material goods, but by something more elusive:
RANDOM ACTS OF PRAISE
Never underestimate the power of a pat on the head. It works for dogs and look how loyal they are.
Appearing to give of yourself is the best reward.
Let's be honest (if we must): people around you are either needy, or self-serving. If the former, a pat on the head is fine. If the latter, they are likely note-taking sycophants who will admire your nerve as you reward their excellence with a few good words (but not too many) and a nod. These fart catchers will fawn and drool over any attention you send their way, and for bonus points, they'll let everyone else know how blessed and grateful they are to have caught your eye.
Don’t worry about watching your back from these flatterers because one of your needy ones will take it in the ribs for you (and clean up the mess after).
Keep those hero biscuits handy.
There's a good dog.
ANGEL: Would you give guns to someone to kill your father or your mother, or your brother?
PIKE: Ten thousand cuts an awful lot of family ties.
—The Wild Bunch
If you haven’t seen Sam Peckinpah’s The Wild Bunch (director’s cut of course), avail yourself. You will see the value of family. While the film itself isn’t about family as such, the quote was convenient for my needs.
Your family is only as important as you find use for them. Sharing DNA is nothing more than that.
And even then, things mutate.
The good news is: they might not see things your way. And despite your obvious douchebaggery, you may well still be loved. Use that.
Love them or leave them, my family is there for me. To use however I see fit.
"A great man is always willing to be little.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-deprecation doesn’t suit you, nor should it. But the trappings of it will get you everywhere, professionally or personally.
Don’t be little. — Appear little.
Appearing little gains you entry to places you never imagined (or imagined, but dared not dream).
Be the cockroach.
Flatten yourself, prostrate yourself (FFS, look it up: prostrate, not prostate) and scuttle further along than you ever dreamed.
May I learn the value and power of humility, in order to exploit them appropriately.
Divide et impera (Divide and conquer)
-- Latin saying
Feeling bullied by all those pesky flies: your colleagues and inferiors? Are you tired of people telling you to be sensitive and respectful?
You have a job to do! This is not the time for walking on eggshells. Roads weren't built by golden feathers and unicorn laughter.
Powerhouses are built on the blood, sweat, toil and tears of others. There is a time for whimsy, and a time to get shit done.
Think of David and Goliath. People may say you are Goliath because you are such a Douchebag (well done, you!), but you are actually David. David was a winner. Goliath was the bully and you are NOT a bully. You are driven. Focused.
Goliath was a grousing little gripe who got in the way. Goliath is the conglomeration of all those whiny people you deal with every blessed day, banding together to bring you down. They are the tail trying to wag the dog. The solution is simple:
Divide and conquer. Find the weakest link.
Get out your slingshot and five smooth stones, and let 'er rip. Pit one against the other (misdirection). See who cracks.
Drive the wedge deeper.
This week's devotion points:
Did we say suck? That's not very professional. What we meant to say was forms a vacuum.
You know what a vacuum is don't you? It is a space devoid of matter. Sorta. Let's try that again.
It's a relationship between gaseous pressure (you know what that is) and atmospheric pressure (you definitely know what that is).
Feeling it now? Get it? GET IT?
Your corporate climate sucks. You fix it when you raise the gaseous pressure. That means you heighten the bullsh*t (aka gaseous pressure). Bigger gas, bigger vacuum.
It's so simple. Spin that web, Douches. Spin it.
Failing that. Buy a mug and leave it on your desk to show your solidarity (well, gaseousness).
And remember, no matter how much your corporate culture sucks, there is always a little bit of dark matter remaining.
Use it to your benefit. Suck harder. Faster. Deeper. What makes gas? More shit. That's right. Shovel it on thick. Your culture sucks but it always could suck more. Make 'em dance!
Dare to give 110%.
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Just because you're a Douchebag doesn't mean your company or your personal life is profitable.